Dryden Is Home

Arthur Lomax (Oct. 19th, 1974 - Dec. 27th, 2007)

11_27_05_kristenarthur
Originally uploaded by dmakar

Arthur Lomax, my friend, sometimes brother, traveling partner, blue collar cousin, the iron worker, Christian, and usually the driver parted all of our company around 8:30pm yesterday.

Arthur and I first met at Camp Wanocksett, in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, in 1991. We became friends a few summers later when we started to talk about going on the road. In 1997, we skipped town (Boston at the time - for me; Charlton for Arthur) and spent 17 days touring California, Oregon, and Washington in a two seat Suzuki X-90. We traveled 4400 miles and visited about a dozen national and state parks. We took the ferry boat to Bainbridge Island in Seattle and we toyed patiently with a docile coyote in Joshua Tree National Park in the California desert east of Palm Springs.

Five years after that tour we took an abbreviated trip to see our friend James in South Carolina. I chronicled that adventure as "Operation Dixie" - keeping in the tellable facts, but leaving out the seedy details of our trip south. I posted pictures with the story here:
http://544online.com/dixie/

Earlier that year (March 2002), my other brothers from camp and I got together for a weekend of talk, debate, eating, shooting, and figuring out the answers to all of life's questions. I've posted pictures from that "camp weekend" - - one of many that Arthur and I and my other camp brothers have enjoyed over the last 10 years.

http://544online.com/CampMarch2002/

In 2003 my life changed a lot. In the span of just two years I met someone, quit my job, drove around the United States, started my own business, and moved to Dryden, New York. Arthur, and my camp buddies, and I spent less and less time together. James was in South Carolina, Phil was in Maine, Jeff was in DC, we all went our seperate ways.

In early 2005, most of our group - named "The Grizzlies" - got together in South Carolina for James' wedding. A few pictures are here and here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dmakar/sets/72157594207780386/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/55776622@N00/sets/767138/

Later that year, for the first time in 10 years, all 7 of my camp brothers and I got together at camp. One picture of our group of 8 exists - -
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dmakar/2129064287/

Late that fall, 25 months ago yesterday, Arthur and his girlfriend (now wife) Kristen came to Ithaca to visit. We did a 24 hour tour including a visit to Ithaca Falls. I blogged about it here:
http://ithacaishome.typepad.com/ithaca_is_home/2005/11/twentyfour_hour.html

Tomorrow I'll drive to Charlton to be with Arthur's family and to be with a few of my camp friends. Life will never be the same without Arthur. Even though we saw each other less and less each passing year, our bond of brotherhood - a bachelor of computer science and the president of the iron workers local - will last forever.

A day to forget

*** Spoiler Alert ***

If you are on vacation in Turkey and you are just checking up to see what is going on here with me and Dryden and life, please do not read any further. Enjoy your vacation and have a safe return, but please do not read this until later in the week maybe after you are home.

My heart broke Friday night. It didn't literally break, but for the third time since I moved here my spirit was crushed. The first time of course was when my relationship with Avery fell apart in 2005. I hurt and I hurt. I moved here from Boston and my world was spinning. In February of 2006 I has been dating someone new and she dumped me. I had so much pain. I stood in front of the state theatre in the rain and just fell apart.

Friday night I had all of the plans in place to renovate a room in my house. I had cleaned it out and mapped out what I needed and called my neighbor to borrow their pickup truck. I was off to Home Depot to pick up some supplies and get to work. I walked to the end of my property and in the place at the corner of my property where I take pictures of the house every so often I saw my kitty, our kitty, really Arjan's kitty, on the side of the road.

Arjan had the cat since last summer, just before we met. At that time it was just about a year old. She hadn't named it yet, so we just called her kitty. On father's day weekend kitty got in a fight with another cat at Arjan's house on South Hill. We brought her to 1960 to recover and give her eye drops. Kitty seemed to enjoy my house - going from the basement to the second floor and back. She spent most of the day sleeping on my desk or on the floor in my office.

When I found her my stomach just turned. I turned around in some kind of mental override and went to find the wheelbarrow and shovel. I was about half way to my shed and I was just overtaken with sadness. So much sadness. I broke down. There was so much pain. I just started to cry. I couldn't remember the last time I cried. I feel so guilty. I hurt. I'm still sad even at this end of the weekend.

Saturday morning before I started working on "the room" I dug a shallow grave in my backyard. I marked it with stones and a wooden post. My dad did this at least a dozen times when I was growing up, this was the first time I had to do it myself.

Arjan, my love, my fiance, my roommate, my best is coming home Tuesday night. I was entrusted to take care of her sweet little kitty. I have to tell her when I see her. She gets in at midnight and  then we have a 15 minute drive back to our house. I haven't seen her in 18 days and in the first 10 minutes of seeing her in person I have to tell her I let her cat outside, called the cat for two days trying to get her to come back and then found her little cat body on the side of state hightway 79. The noisy road where cars and trucks drive fast and animals have little if any chance. I'm sick  thinking about it. My neighbor Melissa lost her cat the same way back in December. I want to get through this, but the pain lingers.

Kitty, Summer 2005 - July 19th, 2007

 

Edith Stelick

by David Makar
for Living in Dryden

When I was fifteen my maternal grandfather passed away. He struggled through most of 1990 and 1991 with the complications of diabetes. I watched as he grew weaker and weaker until the late winter when he said good-bye. At his wake I sat in the front row watching the column of family members and family friends pass before me. I noticed my next door neighbor Mr. Smith was in the line. In those days we were living in Berlin, Massachusetts and the funeral home was about an hour away in North Smithfield, the hometown of my mother.

A few days after the funeral I was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom. I asked her,

"Did Mr. Smith know Dziadzu (djah-djoo, Polish for grandfather)?"
"No."
"Did Mr. Smith know Babci (polish for grandmother)?"
"No, he didn't."
"Why was Mr. Smith at the wake if he didn't know Dziadzu?"
"He wasn't there for Dziadzu. He was there for us."

It took me a long while to understand that we come together in death to support the living as well as remember the people that have passed. By the time my maternal grandmother passed away in 2000 I understood and the impact of having those who never met her in person around for my mom and her two brothers.

Today, in Dryden, I traveled from my home to a funeral home. Last Thursday, Edith Stelick, the mother of fellow townboard member Steve Stelick, passed away at age 84. The Ithaca Journal's published the obituary online:

EDITH MARTHA STELICK DRYDEN - Edith, age 84, also known by many as Grandma Stelick, died Thursday, May 17, 2007, peacefully at home from heart failure. Edith was born on April 21, 1923 in Elmira, New York, to Mabel Bell Comfort and Jeptha Oliver DeGraw.

Edith loved life and was a kind person to all. She enjoyed visiting with people (especially babies), talking with and watching animals, and enjoying nature. Grandma was known for her fabulous cabbage rolls and for making yummy sweet treats for her family to enjoy. Grandma Stelick (Edith) was a friend to all and will be dearly missed. Her family was the center of her world. In fact, a recent goal of hers was achieved when she made the 6-hour round trip car ride to Buffalo on May 11-12, 2007 to see her oldest grandson, Brandon, graduate from college. An added bonus of this trip was for her to see the engagement ring that Brandon had recently presented to his fiancée, Ellen. Edith attended Candor Central School District. She resided in the Dryden area for over 50 years. Edith retired in 1988 from the former Harold's Army & Navy store that was located on The Commons in Ithaca, NY, to be with her grandchildren. She enjoyed this job as it allowed her to meet and to help customers with their purchases and find clothing in the correct size. Her former employment included Treeforms, Morse Chain, Smith Corona, and National Cash.

For the last 9 years, Edith resided with and was lovingly cared for by her son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren: Stephen, Jr. and Lisa and grandchildren, Brandon (Ellen), Travis, Trevor and Kendra. She is also survived by her daughter, Sharon (Tom) Keegan and grandson, TJ. Edith is preceded in death by her parents; and her sister, Betty. Memorial Services will be held at 2 p.m., Monday, May 21, 2007, at the Perkins Funeral Home with Rev. Allan Kinney officiating. Burial will follow in Willow Glen Cemetery, Dryden. Edith's family will be present Monday from 1 to 2 p.m. to receive their friends at the funeral home, 55 West Main St., Dryden. Memorial contributions in Edith's name may be made to Dryden Ambulance Fund, PO Box 397, Dryden, NY 13053; or Southworth Library, PO Box 45, Dryden, NY 13053. www.perkinsfuneralhome.com.

Other things happened today in Dryden, roads were repaired, gardens were planted, writers and potters worked, but this is what I'll remember from today.

The Technology of Today

Earlier this evening, a little after 9pm I got this text message on my cell phone. I was having dinner with some new friends in collegetown and I just looked down at the message and then up and then tried to continue with dinner. I paused to think about the life of the man that had just passed away and how in the few short visits I had with him I got to try to know more about who he was.

The pervasiveness of our technology in this time allows us to communicate almost anywhere and anytime. We can YELL OUTLOUD via email and we can say "Hi" via text message. We can screen calls if we want, we can lookup numbers if we feel the need. Time and technology has granted these gifts, but how we use them will really determine how we move forward as people.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with my own email inbox. I need to reply to all of these people that have taken the time to email me. I need to return some phone calls. I have to call my grandmother, my parents and my sister. I might need to call you.

Getting a text message about someone passing away is a whole new ball game. I guess the reason I'm writing is because I feel like where ever I am I can be pulled out of the physical space and shifted to a place where thoughts and news and knowledge (and occasionally wisdom) is passed from the outside. I don't want to shut off the valve to this information, but I need to learn to brace myself and accept it when it comes. I found that early this morning I finally had some time to reflect on the message, to figure out how I could communicate back and to think about a man passing who I seldem saw, but always knew influenced the lives of some of my friends. Rest is Peace Pepe.